Temporarily Out of Order
I am writing this to inform you I am temporarily out of order.
I am broken.
I’ve felt this coming on for quite a while, the whole year in fact, but thought I could fight through it.
Those who know me, who’ve met me at conventions and readings, know I ha e a few health issues and I’m poorly.
This deterioration led me to selling Quantum Corsets in May, and calling in help from Laura Mauro, Lisa Childs, MJ and Nat from Lycan Valley publications to ensure my charity anthology #DarkVoices saw the light of day.
The book, thankfully, was produced and is out now in paperback.
I figured I was just having another bad “Fibromyalgia crash”, but it seems apparent now that the crash is kind of permanent.
I picked up a couple of extra health issues the last year – I now have to have oxygen to sleep – and I’ve been getting more and more tired. Exhausted even,
My chronic fatigue is getting worse.
Mostly because I’m tired of life.
Between arguing with social services over my care, having to fill in multiple forms for various things, trying to organise my bedroom – still, and trying to just fit in coffee with friends, never mind cons, I’m bloody knackered. Cue song from ‘Blazing Saddles’.
As a result, though my writing has picked up recently, my depression has kicked in pretty badly.
People don’t like to talk about it – bit like Fight Club. But thanks to writers like Matt Haig, depression is less of a stigma.
So, I’m writing this to share, in the hope others will too.
It didn’t help that in the past few weeks I’ve had six rejections, one was a really important award. The feedback I got was amazing, and I came really close. But when you start to feel low, any little thing can exacerbate how you feel. Plus, my meds were screwed up. To those receptionists who think one day won’t make a difference – yes, it will. And a couple of weeks will screw you.
However – it ain’t all doom and gloom.
I’m sharing this for starters.
I’m seeing my doctor about how I feel.
I’m looking at my weight and lifestyle to see how I can improve things.
And I’m taking a break through to Sept, and yes, that means I can’t ‘fit you in’ for a quick cuppa and sorry if it offends you, but, I need to binge watch TV, read vampire books, mostly Laurel K Hamilton’s ‘Anita Blake’ series, to find that spark of enjoyment I first felt in my youth at the sight of a new book, and I’ll be resting.
I’ve been running on fumes for years, so now it’s time to slow down, and I think that’s where you depression is coming from.
I’ve hit that next stage of my conditions where I need to re-evaluate what I can do.
In the meantime, I’ll be writing away, in the background, and hope you welcome me back Oct.
Horror, SFF, books, conventions, my friends – these are the things that keep me going.
Horror is my lifeblood and I need to find my way back.